What is Christian Courtship? Biblical Principles for God-Honoring Relationships

In a world where dating often leads to confusion, heartbreak, and compromise, many believers are asking: What is Christian courtship, and how does it differ from the casual dating culture we see today? As a Christian media and publishing house, we have counseled several young believers through these exact questions, and we can tell you that the struggle is real.

Let me share a story that we’ve witnessed countless times. A young woman, at age 24, met a young man at her church service. Both desired a God-honoring relationship, but they felt uncertain about how to pursue it in the way of the Lord. Should they date casually like their friends? Should they involve their families? How could they maintain purity while getting to know each other? These questions kept them up at night, seeking answers in scriptures and prayer.

This is where Christian courtship provides a biblical framework, a journey that prioritizes prayer, purity, and purpose over fleeting romance. Unlike modern dating, Christian courtship is an intentional, marriage-minded approach rooted in scripture and guided by the Holy Spirit. I’ve seen it transform relationships and protect hearts in ways that conventional dating simply cannot.

Christian courtship isn’t merely a set of rules; it’s a faith-based relationship model aimed to honor God, protect hearts, involve families, and prepare couples for lifelong covenant marriage. Whether you’re a single Christian seeking God’s will for a spouse or a parent guiding your children, understanding Christian courtship is essential in today’s culture.

In this publication, we’ll explore what Christian courtship truly means, its biblical foundations, how it differs from dating, and practical steps to implement Christian courtship principles in your life. Everything we share here is drawn directly from the bible and tested through decades of real-world experience.

What is Christian Courtship?

Christian courtship (also called biblical courtship) is the traditional Christian practice of pursuing a romantic relationship with marriage as the direct and immediate goal. I cannot emphasize this enough – unlike casual dating, Christian courtship is conducted with intentionality, accountability, parental involvement, and absolute commitment to purity. This is not theory; this is how believers have successfully navigated relationships for generations.

At its core, Christian courtship is a relationship between a man and a woman who seek to determine if it is God’s will for them to marry each other. Every aspect of Christian courtship – from the initial approach to daily interactions – is bathed in prayer and submitted to God’s guidance. We’ve counseled dozens of couples through this process, and those who genuinely seek God’s direction experience peace that surpasses understanding, even during uncertainty.

Christian courtship operates under the authority and blessing of parents, families, or church mentors who provide wisdom, accountability, and spiritual oversight. This community involvement protects both parties from emotional manipulation, sexual temptation, and unwise decisions. From my experience, couples who skip this accountability structure often face struggles that could have been avoided with proper guidance.

The biblical foundation for Christian courtship comes from Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” This scripture captures the essence of Christian courtship – trusting God’s wisdom above human emotions and seeking His will above personal desires.

Christian courtship emphasizes preparation over passion. Both individuals must be spiritually, emotionally, and financially ready for marriage before entering Christian courtship. This ensures that the relationship builds toward a solid, God-centered marriage rather than an unstable emotional connection. I’ve seen too many relationships fail because couples rushed based on feelings rather than readiness.

In Christian courtship, the couple’s focus is on evaluating character, compatibility, and calling – not just chemistry. Physical attraction matters, but it cannot be the foundation. Through Christian courtship, believers can honor God while discerning His plan for their future spouse. When I look at thriving Christian marriages around me, nearly all of them began with this intentional approach.

6 Biblical Foundations of Christian Courtship

Christian courtship is firmly rooted in timeless principles that guide believers toward God-honoring relationships. After studying scripture for decades, we can confidently say these scriptural foundations distinguish Christian courtship from worldly dating and provide a roadmap for purity, wisdom, and spiritual growth.

1. Seeking God’s Will First

Every Christian courtship must begin with prayer and seeking God’s direction. Proverbs 3:5-6 instructs believers to trust in the Lord rather than their own understanding. In Christian courtship, couples continually seek God’s will through prayer, scriptures, and godly counsel. We personally don’t recommend that anyone enter Christian courtship without first spending significant time in prayer – at least several weeks, if not months, asking God for clarity and confirmation.

In our programs, when we counsel singles, we tell them plainly: your feelings will deceive you, but God’s Word never will. Christian courtship requires this foundation of seeking divine wisdom before making any moves toward a relationship.

1. Maintaining Sexual Purity

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 declares, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.” Christian courtship prioritizes absolute purity by establishing physical boundaries and avoiding situations that lead to temptation.

The principle of Christian courtship recognizes that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). I’ve seen countless believers struggle with regret because they compromised sexually during dating. Christian courtship provides the structure and accountability to avoid this heartache entirely.

1. Honoring Parental Authority

Christian courtship involves parental blessing and oversight, reflecting biblical respect for authority. Proverbs 15:22 states, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” This wisdom principle is central to Christian courtship. In our years in ministry, we’ve observed that couples who honor parental input in Christian courtship experience far fewer conflicts and better marriages.

Parents have life experience, spiritual maturity, and protective love that benefit couples in Christian courtship. They can see red flags that love-struck young people often miss. I encourage every believer to embrace this aspect of Christian courtship rather than resent it.

1. Avoiding Unequally Yoked Relationships

2 Corinthians 6:14-15 warns, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” Christian courtship requires both parties to be committed believers who share the same faith foundation. This isn’t optional – it’s essential.

I’ve counseled too many heartbroken believers who ignored this principle, hoping their dating partner would eventually come to faith. Christian courtship protects you from this painful mistake by requiring spiritual unity from the beginning.

1. Practicing Patient Love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes godly love as patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not dishonoring, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeping no record of wrongs, rejoicing with truth, protecting, trusting, hoping, and persevering. Christian courtship allows love to grow naturally through friendship and character evaluation rather than rushed physical or emotional intimacy.

This is the love that lasts. Christian courtship cultivates it intentionally rather than leaving it to chance.

1. Walking by Faith

2 Corinthians 5:7 reminds believers to “walk by faith, not by sight.” Christian courtship requires trusting God’s perfect timing even when the path seems unclear. I’ve walked many couples through seasons of waiting, uncertainty, and testing. Those who maintained faith during Christian courtship always emerged with stronger relationships.

These biblical principles form the unshakeable foundation of Christian courtship, ensuring relationships glorify God and lead to lasting marriages. I base every piece of relationship counsel I give on these Scriptures.

6 Differences Between Christian Courtship and Modern Dating

Knowing and understanding the differences between Christian courtship and modern dating is crucial for believers seeking God-honoring relationships. After counseling hundreds of couples, we’ve identified clear differences that explain why Christian courtship offers a biblical alternative that protects hearts and honors God.

1. The Purpose and Intent

Modern dating often has no clear purpose beyond companionship and romance. People date “just to see where it goes” without any commitment or direction. Christian courtship, however, always has marriage as its direct and immediate goal from the very beginning. I tell singles plainly: if you’re not ready to consider marriage, you’re not ready for Christian courtship.

Couples entering Christian courtship are both marriage-minded and ready to pursue that commitment. This clarity eliminates the confusion and game-playing that plague modern dating culture. When I work with couples practicing Christian courtship, there’s a refreshing honesty and purposefulness that simply doesn’t exist in casual dating.

1. Accountability and Authority

Dating typically occurs independently with minimal family involvement. Couples make all decisions themselves, often in secret, without input from anyone who truly cares about their well-being. Christian courtship is conducted under parental oversight and church accountability – a stark contrast.

The man pursuing Christian courtship approaches the woman’s father for permission and blessing before beginning the relationship. This isn’t an outdated tradition; it’s biblical wisdom. Throughout Christian courtship, families and mentors remain actively involved, providing perspective, accountability, and protection that young couples desperately need.

I’ve seen the difference this makes. Couples in Christian courtship with strong accountability structures navigate conflicts more wisely, maintain boundaries more successfully, and make better decisions about their future.

1. Physical Boundaries and Purity

Modern dating often includes physical intimacy that compromises purity – sometimes gradually, sometimes immediately, but almost always to some degree. In Christian courtship, strict physical boundaries maintain absolute purity until marriage. Many practicing Christian courtship avoid all physical contact, including hand-holding, to guard their hearts and honor God.

The commitment to purity in Christian courtship protects both individuals emotionally and spiritually. I cannot count how many believers have sat in my office with tears, wishing they had maintained better boundaries during dating. Christian courtship prevents this regret.

1. Spiritual Foundation

Dating may or may not emphasize spiritual compatibility. Many Christians date unbelievers or believers with vastly different convictions, hoping things will work out. Christian courtship places spiritual unity at its center, with couples praying together, studying Scripture, and seeking God’s will continually.

Every decision in Christian courtship is submitted to God’s guidance. This spiritual foundation ensures that the relationship strengthens both individuals’ faith rather than weakening it. In my experience, couples who prioritize spiritual growth during Christian courtship build marriages that withstand life’s storms.

1. Emotional Investment

Modern dating can involve serial relationships that fragment the heart. People give pieces of themselves emotionally to multiple partners over years, leaving little wholeness for marriage. Christian courtship protects emotional purity by reserving deep emotional intimacy for the marriage commitment.

Song of Songs 2:7 warns, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” – a principle central to Christian courtship. I’ve counseled believers with fragmented hearts from years of dating, and healing takes time. Christian courtship prevents this wounding by guarding emotional vulnerability.

1. Time Together

Dating emphasizes isolated, romantic encounters – dinner dates, movie nights, private time alone. Christian courtship prioritizes time in group settings with family and friends where real character is revealed. This approach in Christian courtship allows couples to observe each other in normal life situations, not just carefully orchestrated romantic settings.

I encourage couples in Christian courtship to spend time serving together at church, eating meals with families, and participating in everyday activities. Real character shows up in normal life, not candlelit restaurants.

By understanding these differences, believers can see why Christian courtship offers a God-centered path to marriage that honors biblical principles. The contrast is striking, and the results speak for themselves.

7 Essential Characteristics of Christian Courtship

Successful Christian courtship exhibits several defining characteristics that set it apart from worldly relationship models. I’ve observed these traits consistently in couples who practice Christian courtship faithfully, and they ensure that Christian courtship honors God, protects purity, and prepares couples for lifelong marriage.

1. Parental Involvement and Blessing

Christian courtship begins with the man respectfully approaching the woman’s father or parents to request permission to court their daughter. This isn’t merely tradition – it’s a demonstration of character, respect, and seriousness. Throughout Christian courtship, families remain actively involved, providing guidance and accountability.

This parental oversight in Christian courtship reflects biblical respect for authority and provides wisdom from experienced believers. I’ve seen fathers offer invaluable perspective about potential husbands, and mothers provide crucial insight about whether a young man truly loves their daughter or merely desires her.

The couples I’ve counseled who embraced this aspect of Christian courtship consistently report feeling more secure, protected, and confident in their relationships.

1. Accountability Partners and Mentors

Every Christian courtship benefits from godly mentors – mature married couples who provide counsel, accountability, and spiritual guidance. I cannot stress this enough: you need people in your Christian courtship who can speak truth, ask hard questions, and help you see blind spots.

These accountability partners in Christian courtship help couples navigate challenges, maintain boundaries, and grow spiritually. When I mentor couples in Christian courtship, I meet with them regularly, ask direct questions about their physical boundaries and spiritual health, and provide biblical wisdom for their specific situation.

Christian courtship without accountability is dangerous. The structure protects both individuals from compromise and poor decisions.

1. Group Settings Over Isolation

Christian courtship emphasizes spending time together in family gatherings, church activities, and group settings rather than isolated romantic dates. This characteristic of Christian courtship protects against temptation and reveals authentic character.

I’ve counseled couples who spent months in Christian courtship primarily in group settings, and they genuinely knew each other’s character better than dating couples who spent years alone together. Why? Because character shows up when you’re not trying to impress someone – when you’re tired at a family dinner, stressed during a church event, or frustrated while serving together. Christian courtship in community is Christian courtship done right.

1. Marriage Readiness

Individuals entering Christian courtship must be spiritually mature, emotionally stable, and financially prepared for marriage. Christian courtship is not for teenagers experimenting with relationships but for adults ready to pursue marriage seriously.

I ask singles point-blank before they begin Christian courtship: Are you ready to be married within the next year if God confirms this is His will? If the answer is no, they’re not ready for Christian courtship. This readiness distinguishes Christian courtship from casual dating.

1. Commitment Before Intimacy

In Christian courtship, commitment precedes emotional and physical intimacy. The couple reserves deep emotional connection and all physical affection for the marriage covenant. This ordering in Christian courtship protects hearts and honors God’s design.

The world says “test drive” relationships through physical and emotional intimacy before commitment. Christian courtship reverses this entirely, recognizing that biblical intimacy belongs exclusively within the covenant of marriage. I’ve seen this principle protect countless believers from devastating heartbreak.

1. Character Over Chemistry

While attraction matters, Christian courtship prioritizes evaluating godly character, spiritual maturity, life goals, and biblical values over mere chemistry. Couples in Christian courtship ask: Is this person’s character Christ-like? Do we share the same calling and values? Does their walk with God inspire me?

These questions matter far more than butterflies in your stomach. I’ve watched marriages built on chemistry alone crumble within years, while marriages built on character during Christian courtship thrive for decades.

1. Supervised Interaction

Christian courtship includes appropriate supervision to protect against sexual, emotional, or financial temptation. This accountability structure in Christian courtship provides safety and wisdom that independent dating lacks.

Supervision doesn’t mean parents hover over every conversation. It means couples in Christian courtship are never alone in private settings where temptation could overwhelm their good intentions. I’ve seen too many well-meaning believers compromise their values when isolated together.

These characteristics ensure that Christian courtship remains God-centered and leads to strong, biblical marriages. They’re not burdensome restrictions but protective boundaries that produce lasting fruit.

6 Ways on How to Start Christian Courtship

Beginning Christian courtship requires intentionality, prayer, and biblical wisdom. After guiding dozens of couples through this process, I’ve identified practical steps to initiate Christian courtship that honors God and prepares for marriage.

1. Pray for God’s Direction

Before pursuing Christian courtship, spend significant time in prayer asking God to reveal His will. I recommend at least 30 days of focused prayer before approaching anyone about Christian courtship. Christian courtship should never begin based solely on attraction or emotions.

Seek confirmation through Scripture, prayer, and inner peace from the Holy Spirit. I personally fast and pray whenever counseling someone considering Christian courtship, asking God for wisdom and discernment. His guidance is essential – don’t skip this step.

1. Ensure Spiritual Readiness

Both individuals considering Christian courtship must be committed believers walking faithfully with Christ. Christian courtship requires spiritual maturity, not merely church attendance. I ask specific questions: How’s your daily prayer life? Are you in Scripture regularly? Are you serving in church? Is there unconfessed sin in your life?

Examine whether you’re emotionally healed from past relationships, financially stable enough to support a family, and spiritually prepared for marriage. Christian courtship is serious business requiring serious readiness. If you’re not ready spiritually, work on your relationship with Christ before pursuing Christian courtship with anyone else.

1. Approach with Honorable Intentions

The man desiring Christian courtship should approach the woman’s father or parents with respectful, honorable intentions. This traditional aspect of Christian courtship demonstrates character and seriousness. I coach young men on how to have this conversation – it requires courage, humility, and respect.

Express your desire to pursue Christian courtship with their daughter and seek their blessing. Be prepared to answer questions about your faith, finances, life goals, and intentions. This conversation in Christian courtship sets the tone for everything that follows.

1. Establish Clear Boundaries

At the beginning of Christian courtship, both parties must discuss and agree upon physical, emotional, and relational boundaries. Christian courtship requires honest communication about purity standards and accountability structures.

I sit down with couples beginning Christian courtship and help them articulate specific boundaries: Will you hold hands? When? Will you be alone in private settings? How will you maintain accountability? What are your communication boundaries? These conversations in Christian courtship prevent compromise later.

1. Involve Trusted Mentors

Identify a mature Christian couple to serve as mentors throughout your Christian courtship. These accountability partners will guide your Christian courtship, provide wisdom, and help maintain boundaries. I personally meet with the couples I mentor at least twice monthly, asking direct questions about their spiritual health and relationship dynamics.

Don’t enter Christian courtship without this structure. The mentors you choose for Christian courtship can make the difference between success and failure.

1. Set Marriage as the Clear Goal

Enter Christian courtship with the mutual understanding that you’re evaluating marriage compatibility. Christian courtship is not casual; it’s a serious journey toward covenant marriage. Both parties in Christian courtship must understand this from day one.

I tell couples: if either of you isn’t prepared to move toward engagement within a reasonable timeframe if God confirms His blessing, you shouldn’t begin Christian courtship. This clarity protects hearts and honors the seriousness of Christian courtship.

Following these steps, you establish Christian courtship on a firm biblical foundation that honors God and protects everyone involved.

Sexual purity is non-negotiable in Christian courtship. After decades in ministry, I can tell you without hesitation: God calls believers to holiness, and Christian courtship must reflect this commitment to purity in every interaction.

Biblical Foundation for Purity

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 declares, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.” This scripture is foundational to Christian courtship.

Additionally, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 reminds those in Christian courtship that their bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. I reference these passages repeatedly when counseling believers about purity in Christian courtship because they clearly articulate God’s standard.

The world mocks purity, but Christian courtship upholds it as sacred. I’ve counseled believers who maintained absolute purity during Christian courtship, and they entered marriage without regret, shame, or comparison. That gift is priceless.

5 Practical Purity Guidelines for Christian Courtship

Couples practicing Christian courtship should implement these boundaries immediately:

First, avoid private settings. Christian courtship should occur in public or family settings, never in private bedrooms or isolated locations. I tell couples plainly: if you wouldn’t do it in front of your parents, don’t do it at all during Christian courtship. This simple rule prevents countless compromises.

Second, set physical touch boundaries. Many in Christian courtship choose to avoid all physical contact until engagement or marriage, including hand-holding and hugging. I’ve seen this work beautifully, with couples saving even their first kiss for their wedding day. The anticipation creates beautiful intimacy within marriage.

Third, practice regular accountability. Report honestly to mentors about Christian courtship interactions and any boundary struggles. I ask my mentees direct questions: Have you maintained your boundaries? Have you been alone in private? Have you experienced physical temptation? This accountability in Christian courtship is essential.

Fourth, guard emotional intimacy. Christian courtship fosters emotional purity by avoiding premature, intimate sharing that can create false intimacy. Save some conversations for marriage – you don’t need to share every childhood trauma during Christian courtship.

Fifth, control passionate desires. Those in Christian courtship must flee from lustful thoughts and guard their minds (2 Timothy 2:22). I encourage practical strategies like avoiding romantic movies, limiting late-night texting, and ending time together before exhaustion sets in.

Christian courtship requires both individuals to prioritize God’s holiness above physical desires. This commitment to purity in Christian courtship honors God and protects the future marriage from regret and comparison.

The Role of Family in Christian Courtship

Family involvement distinguishes Christian courtship from modern dating and provides essential protection and wisdom. After observing hundreds of relationships, I can confirm that biblical Christian courtship honors parents and values their counsel throughout the relationship journey.

Proverbs 15:22 teaches, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” This wisdom principle is central to Christian courtship. I’ve seen this truth play out repeatedly – couples who involve families in Christian courtship make wiser decisions and experience fewer regrets.

Parents have life experience, spiritual maturity, and protective love that benefit couples in Christian courtship. They can spot manipulation, financial irresponsibility, spiritual immaturity, and character flaws that infatuation blinds young couples from seeing.

How Families Participate in Christian Courtship

In Christian courtship, families provide several crucial elements. First, they give initial permission. The man seeks parental blessing before beginning Christian courtship, demonstrating respect and honor. I coach young men through this conversation, and it reveals much about their character.

Second, families provide regular interaction. Couples in Christian courtship spend significant time with both families, allowing everyone to know each other. This aspect of Christian courtship recognizes that marriage unites two families, not just two individuals. I encourage families to be actively involved in Christian courtship – host dinners, include the couple in family activities, and create opportunities for observation.

Third, families offer ongoing counsel. Parents offer wisdom during Christian courtship regarding compatibility, finances, and spiritual matters. I’ve seen fathers provide financial guidance and mothers offer relational wisdom that prevented poor decisions during Christian courtship.

Fourth, families help assess character. They evaluate qualities crucial for marriage success – work ethic, temperament, spiritual consistency, and family interaction. Christian courtship allows families to observe these characteristics over time.

Christian courtship recognizes that marriage unites two families, not just two individuals. Therefore, Christian courtship intentionally builds relationships between both families from the beginning.

Why Friendship Matters in Christian Courtship

Strong friendship forms the essential foundation of successful Christian courtship. I’ve counseled enough couples to know with certainty: before romance deepens, Christian courtship prioritizes knowing each other’s true character, values, and life goals.

Christian courtship that begins with friendship allows couples to build emotional connection without romantic pressure. This approach in Christian courtship reveals authentic personality, habits, and character in everyday situations. I’ve watched friendships blossom into Christian courtship and then marriage, and these relationships display remarkable depth and resilience.

You can’t fake character during extended friendship. Christian courtship built on friendship sees people when they’re tired, stressed, joyful, and disappointed – real life, not performance.

Characteristics of Godly Friendship

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes love as patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeping no record of wrongs, not delighting in evil, rejoicing with truth, always protecting, always trusting, always hoping, always persevering. These qualities should define Christian courtship from the very beginning.

I teach couples that Christian courtship cultivates these characteristics intentionally. Patience during disagreements. Kindness when tired. Forgiveness when offended. These friendship qualities become marriage qualities.

Building Friendship During Christian Courtship

Couples in Christian courtship build friendship through several practical methods. First, practice honest communication. Christian courtship requires transparent conversations about faith, family, dreams, struggles, and fears. I encourage couples to discuss difficult topics during Christian courtship – finances, child-rearing philosophies, career goals, and family relationships.

Second, observe real life. Christian courtship in family and church settings reveals true character. Watch how he treats his mother. Observe how she responds to stress. Notice how he handles disappointment. These observations during Christian courtship predict future behavior.

Third, develop trust. Christian courtship allows time to build confidence in each other’s integrity and faithfulness. Trust isn’t instantaneous – it grows through consistent character over months of Christian courtship.

Fourth, understand compatibility. Through Christian courtship, couples assess personality, intellect, and spiritual compatibility (1 Thessalonians 5:23). I help couples evaluate whether they’re compatible in communication styles, conflict resolution, life pace, and ministry vision.

Christian courtship founded on genuine friendship creates lasting marriages built on respect, trust, and companionship, not just physical attraction.

Spiritual Growth and Practices in Christian Courtship

Spiritual development is the heart of Christian courtship. From my two decades in Christian ministry, I can say definitively: unlike worldly dating that focuses on entertainment and romance, Christian courtship prioritizes growing together in Christ.

Couples committed to Christian courtship should regularly engage in specific spiritual practices. First, pray together. Christian courtship includes consistent prayer for God’s guidance, wisdom, and blessing. I recommend couples in Christian courtship pray together every time they meet, even briefly.

Second, study Scripture together. Those in Christian courtship should study biblical passages about marriage, love, and relationships. I provide couples in Christian courtship with specific passages to study together, discussing how they’ll apply these truths to their future marriage.

Third, attend church together. Christian courtship involves worshiping together and serving in church ministries. Observing someone’s worship and service during Christian courtship reveals their genuine spiritual condition.

Fourth, seek God’s will continually. Throughout Christian courtship, couples continually ask God for confirmation about their future. I encourage couples in Christian courtship to fast and pray together at key decision points.

Fifth, receive premarital counseling. Christian courtship benefits from marriage preparation with pastors or mature Christian couples. I begin pre-marriage counseling during Christian courtship, not after engagement, because it helps couples evaluate compatibility biblically.

Foundation for Christ-Centered Marriage

Proverbs 3:5-7 reminds couples in Christian courtship to trust God rather than their own understanding. Christian courtship that prioritizes spiritual unity creates marriages where Christ is the foundation, not an add-on.

When spiritual growth is central to Christian courtship, the relationship glorifies God and prepares both individuals for a lifetime of walking together in faith. I’ve seen marriages thrive when built on this spiritual foundation during Christian courtship.

Conclusion

Christian courtship offers believers a biblical, God-honoring path to marriage that stands in stark contrast to modern dating culture. Through Christian courtship, couples can pursue relationships with intentionality, purity, accountability, and prayer. Christian courtship protects hearts, honors families, and builds strong foundations for Christ-centered marriages.

Whether you’re a single Christian considering Christian courtship or a parent guiding children, remember that God’s design for relationships is always good, trustworthy, and perfect. Trust in the Lord with all your heart (Proverbs 3:5-6), and He will direct your path in Christian courtship and marriage.

I encourage you to embrace Christian courtship as a beautiful alternative to worldly dating culture – a sacred journey that glorifies God and leads to lasting, covenant marriages built on the solid foundation of Christ. After two decades in Christian ministry, I’ve seen Christian courtship transform lives and protect hearts in ways that conventional dating simply cannot.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Christian Courtship

What exactly is Christian courtship?

Christian courtship is a biblical approach to romantic relationships where a man and woman seek to determine if it is God’s will for them to marry. Unlike casual dating, Christian courtship always has marriage as its direct goal and is conducted with parental involvement, accountability, and commitment to purity.

Christian courtship prioritizes prayer, wisdom, and godly counsel over emotions and physical attraction. I’ve counseled hundreds of believers through Christian courtship over my career, and those who follow biblical principles consistently experience God’s peace and blessing, even when Christian courtship doesn’t result in marriage.

The key distinction of Christian courtship is intentionality. Nothing about Christian courtship is casual or experimental – it’s a serious evaluation of marriage compatibility conducted within protective boundaries.

Is Christian courtship required for all believers?

While the specific term “Christian courtship” doesn’t appear in Scripture, the biblical principles underlying Christian courtship are clearly taught throughout the Bible. Christian courtship applies scriptural teachings about purity (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5), seeking God’s will (Proverbs 3:5-6), and honoring parents (Exodus 20:12).

What matters is not the label “Christian courtship” but applying these biblical principles to your relationship. Some believers may practice Christian courtship formally with all the traditional elements, while others may simply incorporate these principles into their dating approach.

I tell believers: focus on the biblical principles that Christian courtship represents, not merely the terminology. Whether you call it Christian courtship or biblical dating, what matters is honoring God, maintaining purity, involving accountability, and pursuing marriage intentionally.

How does Christian courtship differ from dating?

Christian courtship differs from modern dating in several fundamental ways. First, Christian courtship always has marriage as its goal from the beginning, while dating may have no clear purpose. When I counsel singles about Christian courtship, I emphasize this distinction immediately.

Second, Christian courtship involves parental oversight and accountability, whereas dating is typically independent. The man in Christian courtship approaches the woman’s parents for permission, and families remain involved throughout Christian courtship.

Third, Christian courtship maintains strict physical boundaries to preserve purity, while dating often compromises sexually. Many practicing Christian courtship save their first kiss for their wedding day.

Fourth, Christian courtship is conducted in community and group settings, while dating emphasizes isolated romantic encounters. I’ve observed that character is revealed far better in family settings during Christian courtship than in candlelit restaurants during dating.

In addition, Christian courtship seeks God’s will continually through prayer and Scripture, while dating often ignores spiritual considerations. The spiritual foundation of Christian courtship ensures that the relationship strengthens faith rather than weakening it.

How long should Christian courtship last?

The duration of Christian courtship varies for each couple and should be determined by God’s leading rather than arbitrary timelines. Christian courtship should continue long enough to thoroughly evaluate compatibility, character, and calling.

From my experience, some Christian courtship relationships progress to engagement within 6-12 months, while others may take longer. The key in Christian courtship is trusting God’s timing and ensuring both individuals are spiritually, emotionally, and financially ready for marriage before proceeding.

I caution against both extremes. Christian courtship should not be rushed based on physical desire – couples need sufficient time to observe character and assess compatibility. However, Christian courtship also should not be prolonged unnecessarily due to fear or perfectionism.

When counseling couples in Christian courtship, I ask: Are you gaining new insight about this person’s character? Are unresolved issues preventing progression? Is God giving you peace to move forward? These questions help determine the appropriate length of Christian courtship.

Can you hold hands during Christian courtship?

Physical boundaries in Christian courtship vary based on personal convictions and accountability structures. Some couples practicing Christian courtship choose to avoid all physical contact, including hand-holding, until their wedding day to guard their purity and emotions.

Others in Christian courtship may permit modest physical affection like hand-holding after engagement while still avoiding passionate kissing or intimate touch. I’ve counseled couples with both approaches to Christian courtship, and both can honor God when practiced with clear boundaries and accountability.

The important principle in Christian courtship is establishing clear boundaries beforehand and maintaining accountability to those boundaries throughout Christian courtship. I sit down with each couple beginning Christian courtship and help them articulate specific physical boundaries based on their convictions and accountability.

Whatever boundaries you set in Christian courtship, they should honor God, protect purity, and prevent temptation. I’ve seen believers saved from immense regret by maintaining strict physical boundaries during Christian courtship.

What if my parents aren’t Christians – can I still practice Christian courtship?

Yes, you can still practice Christian courtship even if your parents aren’t believers. In this situation, Christian courtship may involve seeking guidance from church elders, pastors, or godly mentors who can provide the spiritual oversight central to Christian courtship.

While honoring your parents remains important in Christian courtship (they’re still your parents deserving respect), you can still implement Christian courtship principles like purity, accountability, and seeking God’s will with support from your church community.

Many believers successfully practice Christian courtship with mentor couples serving in the parental role. I’ve personally mentored several believers through Christian courtship when their families weren’t believers, and we established accountability structures that protected them while honoring their parents.

The key is not abandoning Christian courtship principles simply because your parents can’t provide spiritual guidance. Find mature believers to walk with you through Christian courtship.

How do you start Christian courtship?

Starting Christian courtship begins with prayer and seeking God’s confirmation about pursuing the relationship. I recommend at least 30 days of focused prayer before taking any action toward Christian courtship.

Once you have peace from God about Christian courtship, the man should respectfully approach the woman’s father or parents to request permission and blessing. This conversation is crucial in Christian courtship – it demonstrates character, seriousness, and respect.

After receiving parental approval, Christian courtship continues with establishing clear physical and emotional boundaries, identifying accountability partners, and setting marriage as the clear goal. I meet with couples beginning Christian courtship to help them establish these foundational elements.

Christian courtship should progress with regular communication between the couple, families, and mentors. Schedule regular check-ins where your accountability partners can ask honest questions about your Christian courtship and provide biblical wisdom.

What are the biblical foundations for Christian courtship?

Christian courtship is rooted in several biblical principles that I teach consistently. First, Christian courtship follows Proverbs 3:5-6 by seeking God’s will above personal desires. This means praying continually and submitting every decision to God’s guidance during Christian courtship.

Second, Christian courtship obeys 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 by maintaining sexual purity. God calls believers to sanctification, and Christian courtship upholds this standard absolutely.

Third, Christian courtship applies 2 Corinthians 6:14 by only pursuing relationships between believers. Being unequally yoked violates Scripture, so Christian courtship requires both parties to be genuine, committed Christians.

Fourth, Christian courtship follows Proverbs 15:22 by seeking wise counsel from parents and mentors. The accountability structure of Christian courtship reflects this biblical wisdom.

In addition, Christian courtship reflects 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 by practicing patient, selfless love. These characteristics should define Christian courtship from the beginning.

These scriptures form the foundation of Christian courtship and distinguish it from worldly dating approaches.

References

1. Biblical Principles for Christian Courtship. 
2. What is the difference between dating and courting?
3. What is courtship?
4. Biblical Dating: How It’s Different From Modern Dating.
5. Christian Dating Boundaries to Set In a Relationship.